Most of you all know that I have moved to Poseyville. Now that I have, I kind of miss Evansville. I mean...it's not so much the city as it is the memories i share and the experiences i went through in that city. It's like all of those memories and experiences have imprinted themselves on Evansville. I can remember when we still lived in Evansville, I could pull up any memory I wanted, without even thinking about it. Now that we've moved...I have to strain to think of one of those memories. My Dad told me that Evansville is a city of self-discovery, and that when people leaveEvansville...their talents they discovered in Evansville flourish. It seems he was right...ever since I have been living in Poseyville, my poems seem to have taken a turn for the best. They now seem to be taking on a deeper sense of purpose in my life. It's odd how God does that. I can remember when we first moved to Evansville, I loathed that city! The stench of the air made me gag, the streets were filled with stray animals, and the animals that were owned by someone were hostile. I didn't want to leave the house for weeks! Living in a white ghetto didn't help things either. Now, I can honeslty say that I had a bittersweet taste in my mouth and my mind when I left Evasnville for the last time. I guess, when you look past all of the grime and negative things of Evansville, it's true beauty shines through. But, getting back to my earlier predicament...I guess I have to sacrifice a few things in order to flourish and move on...

I feel the world has fallen around me. Not in the physical, but the supernatural, having smarts is not all that it's cracked up to be. Nearly everyday now i receive more and more dreams that do concern me going on a roadtrip...but this roadtrip is different from the one i have planned in two years. Everywhere i look now there is not a place i have not visited in my dreams. It is very saddening and disturbing. I think i might be going crazy. The maddness in my mind is like a swirling vortex that is sucking me deeper and deeper into the supernatural realm. not a day goes by now that i find mysef talking to the plants and the animals. The tree in our backyard i go to so often now to vent it's not even funny. It seems that no, instead of my friends leaving me..i'm leaving them. it just seems sometimes that nature seems to respond better than any other human. i think i know what it is though....it's kristine. I can't stop thinking about her. i am incapable of loving another person the way i do her. I i did not have a family here that needed tending to i would cram a sack full of clothes, sling it on my back, and hit the road that leads to Kansas City. I fear going to sleep now, for everytime i do another dream is there in my mind to await me. if only i could do what i could when i was younger and make myself wake up. I realize though that i must look to God for help...Lord God....help me...i beg of you. stretch out your hand and help me onto my feet....i need you know moe than ever.

WARNING!

This is a warning...if you do not want to look even deeper into my mind...DO NOT READ!! I do not want to waste paper on my thoughts and feelings...it's useless wasting paper for such a thing. Thanks.